Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
