If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
