Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
