Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
