Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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