just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
