Yo dont text me then not text me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
