Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
