I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
