i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
