i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
