her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
