I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
