My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
