My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
vagina is talking i cant
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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