But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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