i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
