The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
