So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
