chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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