When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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