I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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