My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
