I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
