you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
