so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
