There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
