the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
