The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
40s are totally the cure
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
