remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
