her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
