Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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