Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
