I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
