my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
