you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
