I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
