i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
