Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
