Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
