I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
