dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
