I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Someone shattered a urinal.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
