remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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