omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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