So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
