What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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