The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I met the friendliest cop last night
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
