Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
