you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
