fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
