Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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