I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
