She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
